| The following is an excerpt from the book, Why | | | | or even tear up the family home. He will feel ashamed; |
| Women Cheat, which can be found at | | | | self-blaming; indignant; humiliated; shocked; furious; |
| Although the discovery of an affair is a very traumatic | | | | defeated; belittled; or outraged-a few betrayed |
| experience, the good thing is that the discovery, itself, | | | | husbands go into a rage of which they never recover |
| extinguishes the flame. In other words, THE | | | | from, exiting the marriage, and perhaps all relationships |
| DISCOVERY OF AN AFFAIR ALWAYS TAKES | | | | thereafter, too. Some men may even feel suicidal or |
| AWAY its ATTRACTIVENESS!! When the affair was | | | | murderous. Not surprising since his whole stable world |
| unknown to you, your wife and the other man held it | | | | has just been ripped out from under him, and his |
| silently and secretly. Of course, the silence and | | | | marriage and image of his beloved wife torn asunder. |
| secrecy is what fueled the affair. Once the affair was | | | | His male ego may become so damaged that it may |
| discovered 90% of its enchantment was removed. | | | | be likely he'll never recover even a fraction of his |
| Marriages begin their repair only when the secret of an | | | | self-esteem. |
| affair is out in the open, and the wife does not need to | | | | However, it's very normal for him to be irrational and |
| hide her infidelity any longer. However, if the affair is still | | | | emotional. He may cry easily, get withdrawn, or |
| going on behind the husband's back, the secrecy and | | | | scream out and be aggressive...basically his emotions |
| silence continues. | | | | will flip-flop from one extreme to another. He may be |
| The affair itself was not infidelous in the marriage, as | | | | hypervigilant one minute, wanting to check cell phones |
| much as the dishonesty of it was-the infidelity is not | | | | and handbags and coat pockets and emails and |
| necessarily in the physical sex or in the emotional | | | | panties and the mileage on her car, and the next |
| bonding, but in the dishonesty and secrecy. For | | | | minute detached and apathetic. |
| instance, married swingers have an open relationship, | | | | He will have flashbacks of experiences that he can |
| having sex openly with other people outside of their | | | | only imagine at the most unusual moments, like hearing |
| marriage, without dishonesty and therefore without | | | | a song on the radio and wondering if they listened to |
| betrayal or infidelity. Infidelity lies in disloyalty and | | | | that same song together. He will obsess over the |
| dishonesty. A secret lunch or telephone call may be | | | | details of the affair, hashing and rehashing. And he will |
| considered infidelous enough to prevent true intimacy in | | | | have ugly mental images of his wife with another man |
| a relationship, whereas a consenting couple swapping | | | | playing over and over again in his mind. But, too, even |
| partners with another couple may not be if both | | | | during this emotional roller coaster most husbands will |
| parties know and approve. | | | | quickly hunker down and begin the effort to do |
| If the affair was infidelous and veiled in secrecy it is an | | | | whatever he has to do to salvage his marriage, and to |
| extremely emotionally charged event for the husband | | | | pull his wife from the arms of another. Marriage can |
| upon its discovery. Once the betrayed husband | | | | survive a wife's infidelity, if the infidelity is stopped, |
| discovers the affair he may scream; yell; threaten; cry; | | | | brought into the open, and dealt with on mature level. |