| Many years ago, there lived a legend in the world of | | | | knuckles and broken pencils. |
| federal taxes. His fame grew day by day as dozens, | | | | The first flakes of what the sages predicted as a mild |
| then hundreds of filers sought out his wisdom on | | | | winter were beginning to fall when Bernie packed a |
| heady matters, such as above the line deductions and | | | | satchel & checked the batteries yet again on his |
| exemptions for dependents. He was also popular at | | | | favorite calculator. He'd decided, finally, that the solution |
| parties. His knowledge of the IRS and therefore his | | | | to his land's bitterness was a journey. He'd walk the |
| ability to give advice on federal income tax forms was | | | | treacherous road to the capital and personally petition |
| topped by no man. He was universally loved for his | | | | King Taxalol to send his township a full copy of the |
| generous guidance, and yet also feared. Feared, for he | | | | country's tax code, thereby relieving poor Lord Bernie |
| was becoming the land's sole aggregator of tax | | | | his obligation to give federal income tax advice. It was |
| information. If Bernie's princely demeanor turned | | | | difficult to believe the King would even meet with |
| capricious, the people of the land would be left twisting | | | | Bernie, much less send one of the coveted tax guides |
| in the foul wind of his tainted mind, come tax time. | | | | to such a far-flung subsidiary. These things were true, |
| It was amongst this thinking that Lord Bernie felt the | | | | thought Bernie as he shouldered the pack as if |
| fear turn to resentment. A neighbor might come | | | | imagining its weight 30,000 paces later. True, but. This |
| looking for help with a 1040 form, perhaps some simple | | | | was his land he was walking away from. And though |
| federal income tax advice, but talk would soon turn | | | | he mightn't have been a particularly imaginative man, |
| dark, heated. One comment might broach the virtue of | | | | he was a determined one. |
| Bernie's daughter, or call to question the milk quality of | | | | Plus, he had compromising pictures of the King with |
| his prized cows, and from out of the humble house | | | | one of his prize cows. That, he prophesied, would at |
| would pour the two men, flinging blood and tax forms | | | | least get him an audience with the King. Whether he'd |
| to all points of the dusty yard. After a number of such | | | | be at the end of a pike for his meeting with the |
| incidents, Bernie realized the expanding balloon of his | | | | reagent was beyond the abilities of his ciphering. And |
| neighbors' resentment would continue until it exploded, | | | | so began Lord Bernie's quest for the cure to federal |
| resulting in something much worse than bloodied | | | | income tax advice. |